


Breathe 2 A.M. (Zugzwang)

by karainkaraoke



Series: Breathe: 2AM [2]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/M, First Love, Five Stages of Grief, Grief/Mourning, Loss, Loss of Identity, POV Multiple, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-18
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-10-21 08:50:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20690774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karainkaraoke/pseuds/karainkaraoke
Summary: Spanning the 21st to the 30th century: a story of life, loss, and finding yourself again. Even for heroes. Love is never easy. 𝘏𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥, 𝘰𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨?





	1. a thousand forevers

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FangirlintheForest](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FangirlintheForest/gifts).

> So, I wrote this fic forever ago and made it eight chapters into it. I think they deserve to see the light of day. This has been an almost three year project with fangirlintheforest. Thank you so much to her for enduring my endless hesitation and slowness and partial departure from the fandom. You're the best! Perhaps, if real life hadn't intervened as much as it had, it would be finished; however, I certainly hope that some AU of the old seasons of Supergirl with give people some excitement and hopefully even get me back on the typewriter. Enjoy!

His skin was hot as his hands pressed against her neck. Her fingers wrapped their way into his hair clinging to him for everything she had. Kara knew as she watched Mon El struggle to breathe the air that was now becoming toxic to his kind. The lead may have pushed the rest of the Daxamites off the Earth, but now it was forcing away the one man she had ever loved. 

_This is it._ _This is it. He’s leaving._

Desperation clung in their heavy breathing, quick footsteps, and locked eyes.   
_He has to go. Oh, Rao, I’m gonna be -_

Alone.

And sick to her stomach.

Kara wasn’t sure which was going to happen first.

"There's something I need to say. I'm gonna be better because of you. You'll be in my heart. I'm gonna be a good man. Like you thought I could be. I promise..." His voice was strained. Mon El had never been one to save his words when he had something to say, even if it lead to strife. 

_ This can’t be real.  _

Kara’s eyes were pressed shut, begging his silence. The more air he saved, the longer she had to hold him. Foot by foot, they ventured into the field where the same pod that carried them both onto this planet waited to take him away from it. How could it be that two crash landings had lead to this? She opened her eyes, meeting his gaze. His face was growing pale and not in the way that Alex had been when she had a really bad chicken pox in ninth grade. 

_ This is his only choice if I want him to live _ .

A sob broke through her chest cutting her ribs without permission. 

Every second, Kara could see his struggle becoming greater. 

_ Oh god, oh god, oh god. I’m gonna lose you. _

His people that she’d had grown on Krypton learning to be so hateful towards, his person that on Earth she’d grown further still to not judge by her parent's mistakes: how had she spent so much time  **wasted** in conflict?

"You've made me so happy." Her voice caught in her throat as she tried to speak. Kara was trying to be strong, but right now her knees were weak and her hands cold. Her body didn’t feel the toll of battle, but the anguish of losing the first man she’d ever truly come to love. Quickly, she reached into her pocket and pulled the necklace from her Mother that had guarded her all these years, and pressed it against his fingers. 

"Here. Take this." For years, her mother’s memory had been with Kara through long, cold nights and moments of deep despair. He needed it so much more than she did. He shouldn’t have to be alone. "This will keep you safe."

Their lips pressed together, somehow still warm and soft amid the drizzle of rain that fell. It stung more than any Kryptonite she’d ever felt, as Kara pulled away from that safe place. This could be one of the last kisses that she would ever share with him. 

_ He isn’t coming back. _

"I love you," Her voice fractured. Regret flooded back with the thousand memories of waking with kisses and going to bed to love. "I love you. I should have said it before."

Kara’s foolish guarded heart would never be the same. 

"I love you." Mon El pulled her close, desperate not to let go. His hair wet with raindrops and a sweat of a fever that could only mean his immune system was breaking down. 

After a moment, Kara felt him weakening against her grasp and hastily pushed him towards the pod, every inch apart a jab in her side. "You have to go. You have to go."

Gasping for air, he climbed into the pod. A soft whirr came from the engine as it lifted him into the sky to a place far from there.

Mon El’s fingers clasped the silver chain around his neck, and the pod began rising.

It was hoarse but determined. 

“Don’t forget.” 

How would she? 

_ I promise. _

After that, all she knew was wet grass and a sense of silence. 

* * *

Thirteen miles from the city surrounded by nothing but trees and tall weeds there were no trains, no cars, no shopping malls or circuses. The rush of the city disappeared, but a light rain peddled against the grass, turning to drums in her ears. Silence was noisy. In the middle of the field stood a girl in a red cape. 

Pit pat.

A drop of rain slid down her cheek. Kara was still, almost. Her lips moved and her hands were shaking. 

_   
Two hundred ten. _

Her whisper was muffled by a crack of thunder. Kara’s fingers curled into fists. It was instinct to fight the tremor that kept her weak, but the harder she clenched, the harder it became to hold her hands steady.

_ Four minutes._

She was losing count. Had it been thirty one seconds now, or thirty three?

Her dizzy fingers strayed along the edges of the grass that had twisted to form a blanket around her legs. _Three hundred seventeen_. It was wet and still with the morning dew and the rain dipped it again just before sunset. Kara allowed herself to sink into the tunnel and disappear from view as she was swallowed in the spring barley. 

_ Three hundred fifty._

Gazing into the distance, Kara swore she could see it. 

_ You’ll be safe. I know it. You’ll find a home. _

Kara wrapped her arms around her knees, gazing up into the sky and letting the rain soak her face. Right now, this was the closest she could be to Mon El. She knew that; he wasn’t going to be there when she opened the door. Their apartment was now just a building that lingered in with breakfast left uneaten on the table, or laundry half folded on the couch. She had two days of Mon El’s cooking never to be tasted again.  _ Four hundred and two _ . She’d spend two days running out the door to catch training sessions with her sister when she could have been curled safely in his arms. 

The ground was hard. Kara shivered rubbing her fingers together. It was odd. Seven minutes and thirty-seven seconds since the pod disappeared. She glanced up at the sky. The sun chose that moment to peek beyond the clouds of ash and rain stretching a rainbow over National City. Sun was the last thing she wanted to see right now. All her life, all anyone expected out of Kara Danvers was sun: bright smiles, lemonade, dimples, and glasses.  _ I’m not like them _ . No matter how much it seemed, the sun wasn’t something that she could pour into a cup and drink to heal her dread.  _ Four hundred and seventy-one _ . There weren’t another three million people she could love. 

Eight minutes. Even to Kara’s vision, it was invisible – a speck of dust on the horizon, floating towards infinite time and space.  _ He’s gone.  _

With a loud exhale, Kara opened her lungs and gave into the same air that she'd watched him struggle to absorb only minutes earlier. Her chest tightened and here was a sharp stab in her side. Despite the air being safe to breathe, it felt much more like being thrown underwater without warning. Coughing, she pushed herself onto her feet and into the sky. The DEO was one of the last places she wanted to be right now, but it was where she belonged. 

She was home. 

* * *

It was dark by the time she landed. Needless to say, Kara had spent more time than not wandering the silhouettes of the city while the sun set and avoided facing her friends and family. Something about people lining the halls and watching her return made his leaving all too real. Her cape fluttered as she came to sit on the roof, legs dangling over the top of fifteen levels that she couldn’t force herself to confront. 

Her eyes opened to the blends of a summer sun, while the destruction heaved below. Kara felt her fists curl against the brick. Smoke still billowed up from fires that were mostly controlled throughout the lower half of the plaza beneath her. Black dents hung in cars and shattered through windows. She had no doubt that the citizens of National City had never expected the likes of an extraterrestrial attack like this. So much work had been done to bring hope to them that people like her — the aliens, the foreign — were coming in peace. Rhea undermined so much trust she’d earned with these people. 

Even before Mon El’s arrival, there had been those who had been hesitant to trust a flying girl in a flowing red cloak. She had her own wings. There was a power on her shoulders that could make humans afraid. Kara had made her share of mistakes. She’d frightened them on her own, but these people never stopped rising. There was something remarkable about humanity that stunned her in the way they could have no powers or natural way to fight calamity, but still be one of the most fearless creatures she knew. Even more than Kara.

Her hands were cold.

Kara tucked her fingers deep inside her sleeves, shivering, as she watched the sun begin to retreat into its nightly hiding place. The firemen below were loading up their truck and driving on.

Kara slipped off the emergency exit and down the back stairs into the building.

The room was quiet as she pushed open the door and entered. The somber eyes of her coworkers rushed over her in waves. Faces that Kara was used to greeting every day with smiles of hope and encouragement met her silently, acknowledging the sacrifice she’d made.

Her eyes itched with unexpressed tears.

Just as Kara felt her body weakening from the load she now carried, she saw her sister rushing from the crowd and pulling her into a steady embrace.

“Get back to work. Go on. You all have jobs to do.” J’onn’s governing voice parted the crowd and led her in a safe path towards the furthest corners of the DEO. The city was growing dark. Supergirl was nowhere to be seen. 


	2. inside your golden grace

** Chapter Two**

It had been a week and ten days and Alex Danvers was pretty sure she was the only one who had even dared to look at the calendar in that long. 

_ As if I should expect her to be wanting to keep time. _

Frustration mulled at her insides as she stood in front of the studio apartment that she had long ago called home.

_ Maybe...she’s asleep. Sleep is healthy. Good for broken hearts. _

With a soft groan, she thumbed through the dust at the top of the door for the extra key. Alex had never been one to make excuses or for knocking, but today was different. 

_ “Take care of your sister,” _ they’d all said.

It was a phrase that echoed with her since her first day of tenth grade when instead of walking through the doors alone she was followed by a tiny shadow that didn’t know a thing about the world around her.

_ Take care of Kara _ .

Determination steeled in her bones as she opened the door ever careful to shut it quietly behind her. The curtains were drawn. It was silent. The hair on the back of her neck bristled and she had to fight the instinct to reach to her waistband to draw her sidearm. It no longer felt like the cozy place that she was so fond of walking into, whether it was with potstickers in the evenings or her problems at two in the morning.  _ No _ , this felt cold. 

Alex pushed her instincts to the back off her mind, placing a paper bag of groceries on the kitchen counter. Going to the shops had to be the last thing on Kara’s mind right now.

“Kara?” She peered around the living room. There were few signs of occupation apart from a few open boxes of carryout, a bottle of club soda, and a box of Mon El’s favourite brand of human liquor. 

Alex picked up the container pushing it down for recycling and putting the last two bottles in the fridge. The alcohol her sister had in her home could barely be considered that.  _ I could barely -  _ _ no Kryptonian could get drunk on this _ . 

A crooked smile crossed her lips. She was prone to a drink on a bad day. A shot of Maggie’s best scotch didn’t sound so bad right now, but Alex wasn’t here to dredge her misery all over her sister. Her footsteps echoed through the kitchen into the bedroom. It was darker still, even during the prime of the afternoon. As Alex adjusted to the light, she realized that someone had hung a blanket over the cracks in the curtains. Pieces of blonde hair could just barely be seen glimmering among the bedsheets with Kara’s head obscured by the pillows. 

She exhaled. 

_ I can be the strong one _

“Kara,” She whispered. “Kara, I know you can hear me. Come on.”

She climbed onto the bed forcing herself amid the pile of fluff and tissues until she could crawl under the blankets. 

Kara remained still as a statue, the blankets curved around her body like a protective cocoon.

_ Why? Why is here? Does she own a clocks? It’s been twelve-two hours. I cann’a have a lil time mysel’? _

Even though thanks to her Kryptonian genetics, Kara may not have needed a shower after seventeen days, there were still plenty of weathering on her body that until recently Alex was not used to seeing. Her cheeks were swollen with tear tracks, but her actual eyes red. The edges of them raw from so many tears. Even when it felt she couldn’t cry another drop, somehow, Kara woke up with her pillowcases wet. As for her voice, it was barely there anymore. The third day, her throat had chafed from the sobs. They were silent now, but never any less heavy. If there were drugs to soothe her pain, they wouldn’t be for sale at the pharmacy. 

Alex reached for a portion of her sister’s hair and began braiding. 

Kara didn’t protest, quietly rubbing a tissue against her nose.

“Do you remember when you were the one climbing into my bed every night?” Alex combed her fingers through the blonde locks that she’d occasionally envied for their lack of wear and tear. “And you’d fiddle with my hair.”

“You got ‘nnoyed.” Kara pointed out as bluntly as she could when slightly intoxicated.

_ Damn it. Do you have to have perfect recall? _

Alex couldn’t deny that Kara’s lack of knowledge about Earthly customs had grown from funny to annoying after about six weeks, but if she could, there were so many snippy words and arguments that she’d take back now. “I wasn’t the best ‘welcome to earth’ party, okay? You deserved better.”

Kara shifted on the mattress, so she could get a better look at Alex. “I crashed where in a space pod and you gave me a icec’reams choices bar. I ate your flavorist. It was nice.”

She was sure Alex’s conversation was floating far above her head, but that meant in combination with a lack of sleep and this odd lemonade, Kara didn’t have to be where she’d been the last fortnight.

It was dark and scary; something she didn’t want to face alone.

What better person than her sister to help her through? 

Kara rolled over in the half-light. Her eyes were dry and her throat was parched. She sat up on the bed, wrinkled sheets wrapped around her legs and took in the room around her. It was a mess, but not one she recalled creating. 

_ How long have I been asleep? What day is it?  _

Kara’s days of sleepwalking were something Eliza had trained her out of a few years after she got to Earth and learned normal bedtime habits. As the Kryptonian looked at the mix of tissues, and takeout that sat around her, memories slowly started drifting into place.

The battle, Mon El’s escape in the pod,  _ gone. _

Kara clenched her knees to her chest, rolling over onto her side, and facing his pillow.

_ You’re really gone. _

  
  


Mornings weren’t easy, but Kara was coping. Every dawn, she spun her legs over the wrong side of the bed and felt her way through the apartment. It wasn’t that her eyes couldn’t open, but there was so much more to life when she kept them closed. In the half-light, Kara oriented herself to the day ahead.

She ran her hands through her thick blonde hair, pushing it into a rough ponytail. Today was the day. Her first one back at the DEO in three weeks. She had taken as much time off as she could allow herself. There were others grieving their loved ones. She couldn’t take her pain out on the city by letting them suffer in silence; but, she would miss being home. 

It wasn’t the apartment. It wasn’t the bed, or the shower, or the couch. Not even the kitchen, where every breakfast had been spent full of giggles and many creamed noses. It was him. When she was here, it was like he was too. The coffee pot clicked as it brewed. Mon El had always said he’d find a way to fix it, but Kara secretly liked it. She’d owned the machine since the beginning of journalism school. It was practically ancient, but still made the best cup of coffee she’d ever tasted. Kara yawned, squeezing her eyes shut tightly.

“I was beginning to think you were sleepwalking.” A familiar voice traced behind her ear.

Kara’s blue eyes lit up at the edges as she bit her lip and a happy smile creased her face. His arms were warm around her shoulders, a ticklish kiss landing behind her ear. “No. I was just mentally preparing for going back to work.” 

Mon El pulled in her hug around gently, leaning his head against her shoulder. “Do you have to? Just a few more minutes.”

She’d briefly forgotten that she’d gone to bed without any top; but, it wasn’t exactly like he’d taken to wearing one either. 

“I…” Kara’s determination to resume her schedule melted into him. He was warm and steady, and before long she could see where this would lead.

His hands once again began slipping over her shoulders as however briefly, his invisible company followed behind her where she stood with just a glimpse of sunlight gracing her bare shoulders and her lips moving in speech to an empty room. As it often did, the warmth of his touch faded and Kara was left gazing at her lonely body. She stilled. Her blonde hair slipped from the lax holds of her ponytail to fall across her back.

Suddenly, Kara felt bare.

Not just naked, as she stood in the kitchen, having seen not much need to sleep in her clothing previously, but exposed. She ached. Sinking to her feet, she wrapped her slender arms around her body, grasping to cover whatever she could.

She was unused to this. Kara had a predisposition to the Earth granting her with a golden grace every morning when she turned her face towards the sun. Never before had her beacon peeled back enough layers to leave her wide open and unguarded in the face of suffering. 

_ Because of the Earth’s yellow sun, you will have great powers on this planet. You will do extraordinary things.  _

_  
_ Her mother’s voice echoed in her head. Even after all of these years, it was still strong as the day that she’d first heard it, but now, she felt as human in her grief as she’d ever seen any of the people she’d grown to love. The barriers that normally separated her emotions from her body flickered.

Kara winced. 

The early markers of the day had begun to take shape around her like the red circle around the date on her calendar. It was Wednesday.

Wednesday was supposed to be breakfast-in-bed day. Breakfast filled with the warmth of Mon El’s arms and last minute begging for ‘a few more minutes’ as either one of them was rushed into the DEO; but today wasn’t Wednesday, not like it had been. She was running low on frozen waffles and the effect they placed on a paper plate was nothing like the recipe that Kara was sure he had tinkered on his own. She’d tried every waffle in every cookbook in that apartment. Late night searches of his browsing history had lead to other teary discoveries, but no miracle breakfast that tasted like love. 

Her small frame buckled under the weight, tender shoulders curving inwards. She wasn’t going to break this easily. Not about the waffles. A few ingredients thrown in a bowl shouldn’t matter if they were frozen or fresh off the griddle. Yet, somehow, it did to Kara.

Her stomach threw a few flips. She was hungry, either way. Even though she could go days without food, Kara had grown accustomed to some small humanities. Growing up with the Danvers left stray fingerprints all over her that whispered in her heart every time she got lost in her head. Taking a shaky breath, Kara looked around the room. As she did, memories with Alex and Eliza began peppering back into her mind. 

Bit by bit, it no longer seemed so empty. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this second chapter. As always your comments and suggestions on Kara's journey are always welcome. This fic really is a commentary on the stages of grief and on Kara's small inner humanities and how she's become accustomed to them, but I won't give away spoilers for the future of it.
> 
> P.S. Is the formatting distracting or is it okay? I'm doing it that way because I'm not good with HTML, but perhaps I can play with it a bit more if the artsy look is not the best. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed and more will come xx
> 
> Carissa


	3. lovers like ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A grieving Kara continues her path to healing and may find that Mon El is not as far away as she thinks.

“I can do this. I can do this.” Kara braced herself in the mirror, pushing her eyebrows together until the nerves behind them began the instructions for brain freeze. She opened her eyes. The person she found staring back in the glass was not familiar. Her face wasn’t bright. Her shoulders were no longer perked with confidence. Kara could only see the shadows under her eyes that she didn’t know she was capable of wearing and the thin frown that so deeply solidified them there.

_ What if I can’t? _

_ I couldn’t save Mon El. _

_ I couldn’t keep the city safe from lead poisoning. _

_ What kind of hero am I? _

  
"I...can’t do this.” Her voice shook. Kara rested against the cool tile of the bathroom on the very bottom floor of the DEO. Floor 56. She’d discovered the secret floor by accident while exploring with Mon El after training one day. It was unused and in an old sector of the building; filled with more cobwebs than anything. She didn’t mind the spiders. “Hey, little guy.” Kara invited a Daddy Long Legs to crawl up onto her finger. “I’m sorry all the humans scream when they see you. You do good things for this planet.”

She sighed resting her head in her head in her hands as the tiny creature moved on with his life. 

  
I’m talking to a spider.  


Kara rubbed her eyes. She stood, legs unsteady, and straightened herself with a slow exhale. “You’ve got this, Kara.”

As she left, she glanced in the mirror, images of Mon El flashing before her eyes. Kara closed them, a soothing black coating the inside as she entered the elevator and pressed up. It was easy to get lost in a room especially when there were pleasing faces to drive her away from the familiar but depressing scents of day-old coffee and manila folders. Kara had missed his charm. Mon El’s jokes could light up a boring workplace in a heartbeat. When she looked through the corner of her eye, it was like he was there again and if she ignored the logical part of her brain that questioned her fantasy, it was real. 

“Ah.” He glanced over the morning norm of J’onn, Alex, and Winn surveying keyboards, screens, and city-wide statistics. “The ravaging rescuers. At it again.” 

Kara snuggled up beside up where he had his elbows pitched on the table. _ Oh? I thought that the rescuing was my job. _

  
Mon El’s eyes met hers briefly. Kara’s challenge was a tease, but he wasn’t about to go without acknowledging the hard work she put in to make the team run the way it did. He reached over, winding a finger through one of her blonde curls. “What if we skip work? I can count five places no one would find us, all reachable in under five minutes.” 

_ That sounds nice... _

“Kara?” The burst of her name inside a blur of conversation slowly drew Kara back from where she resided, half between Alex and where Mon El’s voice lingered two feet inside her ears, between her brain and some deserted sky. She straightened, pushing her hair behind one ear as her sister turned towards her. There was a heavy curiosity in her sister’s gaze that made Kara squirm in her boots. 

Long before Kara had become a reporter, she had never been good with secrets. She’d struggled to carry the load of unfamiliarity that came with adjusting to gaining a new sister and a new school. Alex wasn’t just a new sister, either. She was from an entirely different world. Occasionally, these secret things would burst out of her as if a bubble had popped. 

_ Not today _. 

There were some things that she would rather keep to herself. 

“Yes?” With reluctance, Kara pressed Mon El back into the safe shell that resided in her chest, where he would be found later. She gingerly knit her fingers, turning her attention to the brief that Winn was gathering. It was time to work. 

  
Over the years, J’onn had become quick to notice the small tiffs that floated back and forth between Alex and Kara, even as they shorted out between the eyebrows. He cleared his throat and pointed a remote at the screen. “As I was saying, there have been a series of unsolved arsons growing more aggressive throughout the city. They tend to start in the basement level of apartment buildings where the access to water and electrical systems is cut. The fire isn’t easily contained and smoke alarms don’t go off. Agent Schott?” 

Easily distracted, Winn spun around in his chair multiple times before his attention was pulled by his higher up. “Right. Agent Schott. That’s me.” Rolling towards the larger screen and tapping his fingers to bring it to life, the techie examined where images of the lower town came to life. “Uh, yes. It’s mostly been these buildings,” 

He gestured to the poorer areas near the waterfront. “Here. Two of which have burned significantly. The flames have come close to destroying nearly eighty homes. There have been no casualties so far, but some severe burns and other injuries.” 

There wasn’t much said while the whole team took in the many images that were slow to load on the screen. The fire department had been busier in the past two weeks than it had been in two years.

“Thank you, Winn.” J’onn said finally. Someone had to say something. 

Kara said nothing. _ Eighty homes? _ She had to grasp the end of the table to keep her hands from shaking with what she couldn’t discern from anxiety or exasperation. Anxiety seemed the least prudent of the two, so she went with anger. Her cheeks flushed, but her frustration was mostly controlled as she spoke. “Why am I only just hearing about this? How long? How long did you wait to tell me that someone was burning my city down?”

A pin could have dropped. 

She was quick to find that more pairs of eyes than not refused to meet her own.

Kara turned to Alex. 

Despite her training and her naturally reserved nature, Alex could rarely keep things from her little sister. Tension racketed between their shoulders for twelve whole seconds before the slender brunette sighed. “I’m sorry, Kara. We all wanted you to take as long as you needed. I —”

“Alex.” Kara crossed her arms. “When did a little time for grief mean I can’t do my job?” 

“You tell ‘em, Supergirl.” Mon El edged his way past her defences, popping into the group that he had not so long ago stood beside. 

Kara glanced at the hole between Winn and J’onn that some pipe dream filled. She squeezed her eyes shut, returning her cheerful unseen cohort to his proper place in her mind.

“How long?” The Kryptonian was not budging. 

“Two days!” Winn blurted. He couldn’t handle seeing them argue any better than he could handle secrets. “Maggie brought this to us two days ago.” 

Kara’s shoulders sunk.

Everyone stilled. 

It had been weeks, not days that she had been wrapped in a pair of comfortable arms while there were children choking on smoke. Even after two minutes, Kara didn’t move. She couldn’t bring herself self to yell at her team or fly out the door in a heroic rescue. 

An alarm on the computer saved the team from unadulterated silence. Winn scratched his head, as J’onn leaned into the computer to see the alert. The local hospital had run out of ambulances and a bulletin had been placed for nearby cities to respond. Every eye in the room was on the girl of steel. Kara focused her gaze on the balcony as her feet fled the floor and followed the sirens. 

* * *

She could hear them from a mile away: prayers for help that turned to screams the closer she came. Heat gathered in the sky rushing towards her. Grey clouds billowed up from the apartment buildings that decorated the wharf. Kara firmed her shoulders and dove into the exhaust. Hours of practice made her movements practically a second nature. 

_ Just a little heat, I’ve got this. _

  
In her first days on Earth, Kara had struggled to understand why fire was something to fear. She was fireproof. Her skin suffered no breaks when the colours danced along her cheeks. The smoke met her lungs as naturally as oxygen did. This wasn’t so true for the world around her. Flames weren’t like that for humans. One touch would pay them a nasty wound that wasn’t only physical. It also decimated their homes - leaving them open to the weather with no place to run. 

The closer she came the more sirens poured into the air. Kara leapt into action and ran towards the basement floor of the building. Her feet pounded across the pavement. Heat radiated into her boots. Breathing in the tainted air, she pushed a frosty blast towards the windows. 

The flames sputtered before going out completely. She shoved the door open, moving up the stairs and following the heat.

_ Right, up. Down, left. _

Kara bounced through the hallways, lasers from her eyes gathering the floor plan of the building. If she hadn’t left Winn in such hurry this map would already be working inside her head. Sometimes, Kara regretted being so impetuous, but today her brain was far from the fine print of the mission. As she turned, her boots thudding down the hallway of the apartment building, Kara was surprised that it seemed so vacant. The initial crew of people reporting for duty had done their job well, but now the heat was rising enough that it wouldn’t be long before the structure of the building was compromised. Despite knowing better, she ignored the hairs on the back of her neck which waved in warning as a giant beam overhead began to creak.

_ Humans, first. _

She zipped forwards.

Coughing raked through the noise.

_ Someone’s still here. _

Kara’s fingers made contact with a bedroom door. The hinges were hot to the touch as she stepped into the room pushing aside the rubble. The wallpaper inside had once been pink, but everything was tinged with smoke and the colour virtually disappeared into the wasteland the fire had left behind. Frustration ticked at her as she scanned the room for body heat. The high temperatures were making it difficult. 

_ I never thought I’d see a Disney Castle so disfigured. _

The plastic stickers of Cinderella and her castle had long ago melted in the heat, but Kara recognized it easily. A faint wheeze came from under a toddler sized bed which was one of the only things in the room that wasn’t either in embers or lit up like a Christmas tree. 

Kara knelt on her hands and knees, reaching underneath. Her fingers were caught by the surprisingly strong grip of a tiny girl, barely three, whose head was mostly covered in a wet sheet. _ Smart parents. _A pair of wide grey eyes stared up at Kara as she scooped her up and flew away from the flames.

“This can’t hurt you anymore.” Kara landed as softly as she could by the nearest Emergency Vehicle. “Severe smoke inhalation. Probably burns. Please find her parents. They must be worried sick.”

She watched, waiting anxiously for the tiny human to breathe into the oxygen mask that began reviving her lungs. 

A virtual army of workers were on their feet around the building. There were firemen, police, lost persons, and news. Amid all of the noise, refugees from the apartment sat on the dock covered in smog and blankets with water bottles at their feet. Despite the pushback, the fire still blazed. Kara couldn’t help but wonder why. She’d faced a hundred fires so far and not one of them was so good at spontaneous combustion without a source. 

Staring at her in the crowd was a young boy wearing pyjama pants. Printed on the edge, Kara could just make out the emblem of house of El. 

_ Focus. _

Kara staggered as she jumped off the dock, cursing herself for getting distracted.

“Jeremy!” A shrill voice that could only belong to that of a worried mother bounced into Kara’s ears, as she flew away. As she did, the preteen looked towards the sky and away from his mother. 

Kara swore that he smiled.

_ What am I doing? _

The sounds of the ambulances retreating echoed in her ears as she flew towards the towering building, which would soon be in the water if she didn’t do something. 

On autopilot, she dove into the basement eyeing two pillars that supported the homes over her head. Flames rose around her, filling the air with the rich smell of a bonfire. Only this time they left a pit in Kara’s stomach. Feedback from her coms whined in her ears just as noise from further into the smoke drew her gaze. She felt the building groan under her feet; Kara felt her heart pound as Alex’s voice heeded caution, but she headed into the flames anyway.

There was a loud crash behind her. Kara blinked into the semi-darkness hearing a soft groan. She stumbled into what had once been a beautiful archway but was now a mess of broken beams, charred wood, and seared metal. The weak cry for help once again grabbed her from underneath a pile of rubble. Kara immediately began digging. She pulled the burnt brick from a away from the body of a young man as quickly as she could only to reveal that he was trapped under one of the beams from the doorway. 

Her heart sank.

It was too heavy for her to lift alone. 

_  
Where is Clark when I need him? _

She carefully reached up and cleared some of the smog from his face. 

_ It can’t be - _

“Mon...Mon El.” She whispered.

“Kara.” The voice was parched; yet all too familiar.

_ You’re home _. 

“You’re home!” Kara couldn’t care less about the fire burning around them. “I can’t believe it’s you.” She smoothed his hair, ignoring the combination of sweat, soot, and blood. All she wanted to do was to cover him with a thousand tiny kisses.

“Kara, I can’t move.” Mon El touched his fingers to the tips of her forehead, pulling them away from his eyes. “And your cape is on fire.”  


Dazed not stupid, Kara quickly exposed the area around them to a blast of chill, bringing the temperature down. 

She blushed, taking another look at the beam. It still wouldn’t budge. “I haven’t made the mistake of setting myself on fire since my one of my first days as Supergirl.”

“If we don’t get you out of here, it might be your last.” Mon El muttered.

“Smartass sassafras pants.” Kara mumbled under her breath, as she put her back into pushing the pillar off his trapped leg. 

She nudged her earpiece forwards and the tech came to life with a squeal.

_ Winn really needs to work on that. _

“Alex. I need backup.” 

* * *

“How do we not have fireproof suits?” Alex Danvers was tense down to her toes as she paced the circular set up of the DEO’s command center. She didn’t have alien powers or any kind of special action suit. _ Even James has one of those! He works at CATCO. _

Sometimes it really ticked her off. “And how can you not turn on Kara’s comms remotely?”

Winn Schott paused monitoring the computer with half of a Twizzler hanging from his mouth and gulped. “YouknowIcanactuallydo…” He finished the mouth-load of candy. “Everything at once, right?

Alex glared. A moment later, she chose not to take her anger out on someone who didn’t deserve it and reached for the bag of red treats. “Gimme one of those.”

Winn wasn’t going to get in her way when she was doing her level three stomp. The older Danvers was not one for swallowing her emotions lately, but he got the feeling there was something going on other than post-breakup rage. “Mkay, boss. Whatever you say.”

“Has she - “ Alex attempted to break the sound of tapping keys with an upteenth inquiry of the state of Kara’s communications.

“Stilllll off.” Winn clicked through his tabs for current video footage of the scene. “But, it looks like most of the flames are subsiding. Except some of the lower floors, which is good news for firefighters. I don’t understand why Kara is still in there.”

“Alex!” A familiar voice broke through their conversation.

“Kara!” Alex jumped out of her chair; surprising Winn with how she landed on her feet.

_ Maybe her patronus is a cat... _

“I need backup.” Kara’s voice was strained. “I can’t get someone out. I need help.”

Alex’s eyebrows tilted in an unspoken question. Her sister could lift cars and hold up buildings. How could she not help one human escape a fire?

“It’s Mon El.” Kara pleaded.

Alex looked at Winn.

Winn looked at Alex.

“I’m on my way.” Alex didn’t know what battle her sister was fighting, but either way, she wasn’t fighting it alone. She reached for a rebreather from the desk and tuned her comms to contact J’onn. 

Unlike Kara, who could go worryingly silent, the director of the DEO was always quick to answer.

“Danvers.” His booming voice filled her ear.

“J’onn. We might have a problem.” Alex waited.

“We might have more than one.” He replied.

_ Always straight to the point _. Alex keyed the helicopter and guided it into the air. Normally, she enjoyed flying the plane. She liked to imagine it was something close to what Kara enjoyed everyday, but right now, a bowling ball in her stomach seemed to sink the craft another two feet lower. “Kara thinks Mon El is still alive and trapped in the apartment building.”

“The internal structure of the building is compromised. If we don’t clear the area, we’ll be looking at a disaster zone.” J’onn said. “I’ve already informed the humans, but I’m honestly not sure Kara can withstand a nine story building falling on top of her. She needs to evacuate.”

Alex gulped as she landed the plane a safe distance away and began running towards the disaster everyone else was evacuating. Her lungs were strong, but midway through the first floor, she pressed the tiny oxygen pack to her mouth. “Supergirl, come in.”

There was no reply.

“Kara!” A little louder, this time.

“Alex?” Kara coughed. “We’re over here. I can’t get him out. I can’t.”

_ We? How deep does this illusion go? _ Six more steps through the smog and she found her sister kneeling in the middle of a pile of ash hopelessly pulling at a collapsed metal beam that had once been a part of the roof. J’onn’s warning trailed down her skin in the form of pinpricks. 

The building shook as the flames grew angrily closer to the gas line.

“Alex, you’re on the clock.” J’onn beeped into her headset. “Get out of there.”

“Kara.” Alex ran fingers down Kara’s forearm. “We have to go. If we don’t get out of here, we’re toast, okay? Not the good kind. The burnt kind. You got everyone out safely. Now you have to protect yourself.”

“No. Not Mon El.” Kara shook her head, rapidly. Her body was half-sunk protectively over an empty pile of rocks. “I’m not leaving him. Not again.”

The walls creaked. Alex tensed, frustration boiling on her shoulders as she watched her sister bury herself in the sand. With a swift tug, she pulled Kara towards the door. “Run!”

A wretched sob broke from Kara’s lungs as she was forcibly pulled from the burning building. “I can’t do this anymore, Alex. Don’t make me leave him.” 

“Run. Get out of here! Go!” Despite the protests, Alex pushed Kara towards the door, out of the apartment complex and towards the waiting helicopter.

“No! No! I’m not leaving him.” Kara ran towards the fire, but was knocked off her feet as the fire reached the gas main on the basement. 

She fell backwards. Glass shards exploded from a window rapidly spinning towards her face.

_ Mon El… _

“I’m not letting you die!” Alex’s voice seemed far away as her footsteps echoed on the pavement, but to Kara they seemed like they belonged to a giant as everything began to darken. Her heart pounded in her chest feeling like it would it explode as she watched brick crumbled to ash.

J’onn waited with the keys in the ignition. Not one second too late, they were airborne. 

** _BOOM! _ **There was a sudden blinding flash followed by a muffled blast as the building that had guarded National City’s wharf for the past twelve years crumbled into the dust like lego pieces. A black turmoil of smoke rose around them and for a moment there was only the the familiar whurl of the chopper blades to guide them in the dark. The plane bucked and rocked in the debris that peppered its underbelly; shockwaves reached the tiny plane even as it flew away. 

Kara curled onto her sister’s lap, guilt creeping into the corners of her heart.

_ This is all my fault. _

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter and please, as always, your thoughts are always welcome below especially in constructive criticism. Thank you <3


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